Respect for anger
This past week a student at our school became very angry. He took a plant and dumped it over. What would you see in that moment? How would you react? Respect in our relationships is a key factor. How do we find our respect for this child in this moment? He needed to be respected with love and support without any judgement. As he worked through his anger I was able to help him explore a way to be angry - on his time table not mine - that did not involve damaging a plant.
It began with this: I stood there quietly in a show of support. I took many deep breaths, some soft and some loud, with the hope that he to would take some breaths as well. As he settled down I was able to pat his back and see the anger fade away. We then retrieved the broom and the dust pan to clean his mess together. Most of this was done in silence. From there I commented, "You were angry. You dumped over the plant." We looked at the plant to see if we could save it. We discussed that in his anger he may have killed the plant. Maybe he cared maybe he didn't, but cause and effect is part of the lesson. A very important next step after these kinds of incidents occur is helping the child re-enter the play going on in the class. After watching a student behave this way some of the classmates have feelings they need to discuss or they are not sure if they should play with this child. As we re-entered the play group together the students said an assortment of comments from "he's bad, he's mean, did you see what he did?" These comments also deserve our respect and our response is essential in helping this child move forward in his emotional growth. "Yes," I answered calmly "I saw. He was angry, he dumped over the plant. He is working on how to handle his anger. He is feeling better now. Maybe together we can help him. What do you do when you are angry?" If children can come together to collaborate on all of their skills, building, writing, cooking, painting we can most certainly come together on one of our most important life skills. Handling our emotions is a core component to a happy life. Not only are we helping this child we are helping all of the children take care of each other in anger, in sadness as well as in joy.
Perhaps at times our own discomfort as the adult in the room interferes with our ability to handle these situations that occur with children. Many adults are uncomfortable with these emotions and have not learned how to self regulate, so how can they be expected to teach children this skill? We must begin to examine our own feelings if children elicit an uncomfortable feeling in us. In so doing we will be able find respect while helping them through their emotions. We must reflect.
Respect can be defined as a feeling of deep admiration for someone elicited by their abilities or qualities. Anger can be an admirable quality. It can be a huge motivator. We have disagreements on climate, plastic, guns, energy, water … and the list goes on. We want children that will one day continue the fight for the world that they want to live in, not children that suppress their feelings and become complacent.
By respecting and supporting these strong emotions in our children we hope to encourage the growth of compassionate, tolerant and educated leaders.
Respecting children in play is pure joy, we can respect them in anger as well.
It began with this: I stood there quietly in a show of support. I took many deep breaths, some soft and some loud, with the hope that he to would take some breaths as well. As he settled down I was able to pat his back and see the anger fade away. We then retrieved the broom and the dust pan to clean his mess together. Most of this was done in silence. From there I commented, "You were angry. You dumped over the plant." We looked at the plant to see if we could save it. We discussed that in his anger he may have killed the plant. Maybe he cared maybe he didn't, but cause and effect is part of the lesson. A very important next step after these kinds of incidents occur is helping the child re-enter the play going on in the class. After watching a student behave this way some of the classmates have feelings they need to discuss or they are not sure if they should play with this child. As we re-entered the play group together the students said an assortment of comments from "he's bad, he's mean, did you see what he did?" These comments also deserve our respect and our response is essential in helping this child move forward in his emotional growth. "Yes," I answered calmly "I saw. He was angry, he dumped over the plant. He is working on how to handle his anger. He is feeling better now. Maybe together we can help him. What do you do when you are angry?" If children can come together to collaborate on all of their skills, building, writing, cooking, painting we can most certainly come together on one of our most important life skills. Handling our emotions is a core component to a happy life. Not only are we helping this child we are helping all of the children take care of each other in anger, in sadness as well as in joy. Perhaps at times our own discomfort as the adult in the room interferes with our ability to handle these situations that occur with children. Many adults are uncomfortable with these emotions and have not learned how to self regulate, so how can they be expected to teach children this skill? We must begin to examine our own feelings if children elicit an uncomfortable feeling in us. In so doing we will be able find respect while helping them through their emotions. We must reflect.
Respect can be defined as a feeling of deep admiration for someone elicited by their abilities or qualities. Anger can be an admirable quality. It can be a huge motivator. We have disagreements on climate, plastic, guns, energy, water … and the list goes on. We want children that will one day continue the fight for the world that they want to live in, not children that suppress their feelings and become complacent.
By respecting and supporting these strong emotions in our children we hope to encourage the growth of compassionate, tolerant and educated leaders.
Respecting children in play is pure joy, we can respect them in anger as well.
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