Happy Birthday to me...
This week I celebrated my birthday, so it seems only fitting to dedicate this blog to my mom. Without her I would not be here. Ok my dad helped a little bit as well, but there is something to be said for the person that carries you around willing to sacrifice their looks, comfort and permanent changes in their body for the person inside that they don't even know yet!
I am so grateful that I grew up in a time where it was safe to play outside. One of my best memories of my childhood was the hours we would spend outside just playing. All of the neighborhood kids would come outside and we would play kick the can, explore the local woods and creek, sneak up on bunnies and all sorts of magical play. When we came home we weren't peppered with hundreds of questions from our parents. It was more like "wash your hands and get ready for dinner and don't forget to ask your dad how his day was."
Today, this may sound a bit cold or old fashioned; my mom clearly wasn't all that concerned about exactly what we got up to. On the other hand, I knew my mom trusted me and from that I learned how to trust myself and make good decisions. To be honest, we made some really dumb choices. We jumped over creeks that were not so safe. We threw snowballs at cars driving by, frightening unsuspecting drivers. We were not always nice to each other.
But looking back, it was partially through this kind of play I became the person I am today. I learned how it felt to be kind and how it felt to be mean. I learned how to be responsible for myself. I learned that sometimes when I listened to a friend it wasn't always the right choice.
When I went away to college my parents drove me to my dorm and dropped me off. We had one phone in the dorm that 30 of us shared. If I had a problem I petty much had to figure out how to solve it myself. I could ask friends for their advice, or wait in a long line to use the phone if I wanted my mom's opinion. Can we even imagine this situation today? No google, no instant cell phone text or call and no social media! I had to think on my own ...often. I am not a luddite, I do not oppose the use of all of the wonderful technology that we now have available - there is no question that we have gained a great deal - but I do question what we sacrificed.
In order not to shame our parents, and to demonstrate that we were becoming more mature, we were expected to follow certain social rules. It was called "having good manners." For example, we were trained to greet people pleasantly, with a firm handshake and eye contact. We were expected to introduce our friends when they came over to the house or when they called or picked us up to go hang out. We knew that we would not always get our way, and were taught to accept this with as much grace as we could muster. If the family was going out to dinner, sometimes - rarely - me or one of my siblings would get to choose where we would go. Much more often we were told where we were going for dinner. You were either happy about it or should learn to at least look happy.
As we grew older, my siblings and I were each up given more trust and more independence, which helped to build our skills, empathy and resilience. These days - just like everybody else - sometimes I get my way and sometimes I don't. Because of my mom, on most days my good manners don't fail me.
The truth is, this was not the easiest week. I had a pretty bad cold and some tough parts in my every day life and work week. Nothing too serious - everyday challenges don't disappear just because its your birthday. Looking back, I can say I mostly handled everything with grace.
As I enter my 53rd year and begin to celebrate the Jewish New Year I hope this year be a good one. May I support my children in their ability to make good and bad decisions. May I support them authentically - not just constantly telling them "good job" - so they develop their own ability to reflect and check in with themselves, to judge for themselves if they did a good job and given their best effort.
This year, I plan to re-focus my continuing efforts to live an environmentally friendly, and look after my friends and family. Living a life where we take care of the world and each other is important to me. Let's make this a great New Year!
Sharing extra watermelons from the grocery store with the community
I am so grateful that I grew up in a time where it was safe to play outside. One of my best memories of my childhood was the hours we would spend outside just playing. All of the neighborhood kids would come outside and we would play kick the can, explore the local woods and creek, sneak up on bunnies and all sorts of magical play. When we came home we weren't peppered with hundreds of questions from our parents. It was more like "wash your hands and get ready for dinner and don't forget to ask your dad how his day was."
Today, this may sound a bit cold or old fashioned; my mom clearly wasn't all that concerned about exactly what we got up to. On the other hand, I knew my mom trusted me and from that I learned how to trust myself and make good decisions. To be honest, we made some really dumb choices. We jumped over creeks that were not so safe. We threw snowballs at cars driving by, frightening unsuspecting drivers. We were not always nice to each other.
But looking back, it was partially through this kind of play I became the person I am today. I learned how it felt to be kind and how it felt to be mean. I learned how to be responsible for myself. I learned that sometimes when I listened to a friend it wasn't always the right choice.
When I went away to college my parents drove me to my dorm and dropped me off. We had one phone in the dorm that 30 of us shared. If I had a problem I petty much had to figure out how to solve it myself. I could ask friends for their advice, or wait in a long line to use the phone if I wanted my mom's opinion. Can we even imagine this situation today? No google, no instant cell phone text or call and no social media! I had to think on my own ...often. I am not a luddite, I do not oppose the use of all of the wonderful technology that we now have available - there is no question that we have gained a great deal - but I do question what we sacrificed.
In order not to shame our parents, and to demonstrate that we were becoming more mature, we were expected to follow certain social rules. It was called "having good manners." For example, we were trained to greet people pleasantly, with a firm handshake and eye contact. We were expected to introduce our friends when they came over to the house or when they called or picked us up to go hang out. We knew that we would not always get our way, and were taught to accept this with as much grace as we could muster. If the family was going out to dinner, sometimes - rarely - me or one of my siblings would get to choose where we would go. Much more often we were told where we were going for dinner. You were either happy about it or should learn to at least look happy.
As we grew older, my siblings and I were each up given more trust and more independence, which helped to build our skills, empathy and resilience. These days - just like everybody else - sometimes I get my way and sometimes I don't. Because of my mom, on most days my good manners don't fail me.
The truth is, this was not the easiest week. I had a pretty bad cold and some tough parts in my every day life and work week. Nothing too serious - everyday challenges don't disappear just because its your birthday. Looking back, I can say I mostly handled everything with grace.
As I enter my 53rd year and begin to celebrate the Jewish New Year I hope this year be a good one. May I support my children in their ability to make good and bad decisions. May I support them authentically - not just constantly telling them "good job" - so they develop their own ability to reflect and check in with themselves, to judge for themselves if they did a good job and given their best effort.
This year, I plan to re-focus my continuing efforts to live an environmentally friendly, and look after my friends and family. Living a life where we take care of the world and each other is important to me. Let's make this a great New Year!
Sharing extra watermelons from the grocery store with the community
Love this and I love you, Rob. Happy belated bday. <3
ReplyDeletethis is Betsy Schneider BTW :)
DeleteYou are the best!!
ReplyDelete