Reflection in our day....

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forward." 

Soren Kierkegaard

Reflecting on our day is an important habit to develop. 

The ability to review your actions throughout your day and learn from them is a key practice. Knowing this how do we help our children learn how to do it well?

Many Parents inherently recognize the importance of “review and reflect” skills.  We often hear "so how was your day?” or “what did you do today?” in the carpool line as parents pick up their children.  

When you ask "What did you do today," it is common for children to answer "nothing." They may be tired or not in the mood to talk.  This is fine, do not try to force a conversation - just wait. At some point, as they settle in for dinner, bath time or bedtime they will be ready to talk and process.  This is important for their development, so we take the opportunities where they come.  

For some it may be the following day, in the morning as they get ready for school.  Some of us are morning processors and some of us are evening and some of us are anytime processors!  We need to be available for them on their timetable.  

For our “end of day” practice in some Preschool classes, we now  ask each child to "tell everyone one thing you learned, you enjoyed, or that you did to make the world a better place."  

Interestingly, some children wanted to talk about one part of their day they did not like, while some children were eager to follow the prompt.  Any response has value, as it indicates how they are processing their experiences.  Perhaps over time they will start to shift in their conversation with you and reflect on one of the prompts. Developing a habit of reflection that includes verbalizing their experiences will assist them in becoming active listeners and participants.  It is a practice that is key for both self-identity building and the concept of goal setting and self-improvement.

“I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work,”  -  Thomas Edison   

When children reflect they will often focus on the positive - and boy do preschoolers love to celebrate their successes. "I did it!" they will shout.  With pride and with confidence they celebrate! Reflection creates time to celebrate our successes.  For those that focus on the negative, we may pause. What leads them down this path? How do we respond? How can we help them start to develop a life that sees positive and negative?

With our children, we should not start with the “here are the mistakes I made today and the lesson I have learned” concept.  Many of us will naturally be thinking this way.  As adults, we may not be comfortable with patting ourselves on the back for the things we did well, we are more likely to look to “what could I have done better.”   Children will naturally come to the “self-improvement” concept later, but it needs to be part of their own development, on their own timetable.

Aside from successes, we can ask about new ideas.  Showing another how to do something gives its own, rewarding feeling. Through reflection we learn what worked and what didn't work so that we can use our reflection to help others as well as ourselves.

Ask open-ended questions that promote reflection and see where the conversation goes ...

• How were you creative today?  (Did you make anything?)

• How were your friends today?  

• What interested you today?   

• What are you proud of from today?  

• What questions do you have about your day?

If words are just not coming, you can look at a picture of their day. From the picture maybe a conversation will grow.  If not today then maybe tomorrow. Watch your children's' faces and see what they say or don't say.  They always teach us.  They are resilient, they are strong, they are open minded.  We can support this in their reflections.  Sometimes they may be building the skills of reflection and we may just start by wondering.... I wonder what you did today that was challenging...and sometimes the beginning of reflection is planting the  seeds of wonder.