Making meaning out of all we do...

I disagree...

Yesterday I was engaged in a meeting with my Assistant Director and a teacher in my office at our school.   We were discussing the direction to go for an emerging interest in the teacher's class.  My assistant (who I absolutely love and I am sure having a healthy relationship with her allowed me to do this reflection) said while I was saying something to the teacher, "I disagree completely with what you just said." I had a moment of feeling embarrassed, even dumb, as all of my childhood school experiences from teachers that made me feel this way flooded into my mind and then I paused.  I asked her, "What was it I said that you disagreed with so that I can grow from your comment?" As she explained her thoughts it was really interesting.  One, I felt as if I was able to reflect more deeply on what I said, and two,  what bothered her was not what I thought I said, yet it was what she heard.  At the same time I pondered why it caused this reaction from me that she disagreed with me in that moment.  Shouldn't we challenge each other in our thoughts and in our work? Would I have felt this way if the other teacher was not listening?  Is my ego so fragile that everyone needs to agree with me? I ponder these questions today as I think back to this experience. As I sat in the moment that it was happening I told myself a different story. I began to rewrite the story of me and I told myself in my own mind, I am not dumb, and that is not her implication either.  As I had this conversation in my own mind I was able to listen to her with an open mind.  The teacher meanwhile, sat there watching and listening to us.  What did she take away? I don't know. I will have to ask her. 

According to Lev Vygotsky, learning is a process of acquiring knowledge, beliefs, and problem-solving strategies through interactions with what he termed, "more knowledgeable others.  It is through our interactions with others that we make sense of the information we encounter."

Learning, growing, and relationships include and  involve disagreement. I hope I can take this experience and have more growth like this! I hope I can be challenged and challenge others.  I hope I can truly embrace a "growth mindset!" The growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Carol Dweck's research "shows that individuals with a growth mindset tend to be more resilient and achieve greater success in their personal and professional lives. They view challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as threats to their self-esteem. They embrace the process of learning, rather than merely focusing on the end result." I want to live a life such as this both personally and professionally. 

 

So today I will take a small step forward in this process of thinking about what it means to acquire knowledge from others that may be "more knowledgeable." I will recognize that that is me embracing the path that is valuable to the process of learning. I will think deeply about my own vulnerability and about letting go of old stories from my past that I have created that hold me back.  I will strive to talk with those I agree with as well as those that I disagree with so that I can think more critically and with multiple perspectives.  It is definitely comfortable to be in conversation with others in which we are  in agreement.  I am hoping over time that being in conversation with others while in disagreement can also feel comfortable.  I will remind myself my opinion matters, my ideas have values, and so does those of others.  We may not reach for the goal in exactly the same way, yet the more perspectives and ideas we are open to, the more this will allow us to reach our goals more effectively. 

 

I consider myself a person with a growth mindset, yet the more I come in contact with people and ideas I disagree with, I have discovered I have more work today. The work continues! Perhaps recognizing this in myself will allow me to unpack my insecurities so that my mind can be open to new paths and ideas. As in the meeting yesterday, I spoke to myself. I asked myself to open my mind. When she first said, "I disagree," my mind closed. My feelings took over and then I said to myself, take a deep breath, and I did and then I told myself to ask for clarity, and I did. I began to think and breathe and then we were able to enter into a deep conversation. I may not have done this last year or last week, but as I prepare to enter the New Year I was able to grow and I will continue to do so, in pain and joy and in compassion for myself, for we are all striving to learn and grow in today’s world.  This is no easy task, our world is changing quickly, and we are assaulted with emotional news attacking our minds daily, and as our social media targets our interests we are exposed more and more to those we agree with. How does this help us in our our learning process? I don't know the answer, yet I will continue to reflect, ponder and grow.  2024... Bring it!